My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
