I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
she peed on how many people?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
