he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
