I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
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road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
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That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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