Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
In other news, I just burned my penis
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
