what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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