Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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