I wish I only lived at night.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
