doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
