Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
