i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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