Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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