Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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