Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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