so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
