hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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