We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
