I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
