Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
she looked like the before picture.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
