i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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