I think I died a long time ago.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
