Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
