Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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