I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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