well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
