You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Randomize
