i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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