so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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