Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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