yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
