happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
