9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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