His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
