Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just invented taco cereal.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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