I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
