i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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