you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
