i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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