i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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