it wasn't lemon gatorade
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
