apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
