god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
