Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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