hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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