Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Come share oat with me in your robe
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
