you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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