I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
