Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
