when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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