Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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