we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
