last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
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Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
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I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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