She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
