Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
