Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She just used a chaser for red wine.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
