Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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