could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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