I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
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And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
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We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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