That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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