mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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