Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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