dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I have fence marks all over my body
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
