last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
