The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
