Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
