Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
