So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
