Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Your cock deserves a montage
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
