i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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