R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
