What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
