i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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