Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
