How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
