just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
