just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
