i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
