mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
