Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
