i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
