she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
