I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
