he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.