and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.