Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard