We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?