idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!