dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
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Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.