New invention idea: vibrating tampons
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.