My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize