i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
