She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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