textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
