sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
