Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
