whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
