If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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