it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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