I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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