HIV tests are more positive than that guy
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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